I knew

Sometimes you just dont outgrow a pattern in life/its the same reason I am uncertain if I can be anyone’s wife/ why i feel I dont deserve it/ why I feel it’s not worth it/ to dream of a marriage/ no horse nor carriage/ I knew what I was getting into/where I was going / I flew/ Right into the trap/ being a willing soul to tap/I cant be wrapped in feelings of despair/because he’s no longer here/ and more than likely wont care/ well I used to think less of myself but how do I set the example now/Work by the sweat of my brow? / Im not much different from the one I used to be/ I wish the old me/would see/ me laying up in this hotel room/backslidden and dismayed/the behavior I displayed/knowing what sin I committed/makes me think of Adam and Eve as they began to grieve/ for the loss of their lives in God/ because their desires outweighed their identity/I feel the shame they felt all because they wanted to blame another entity/ but in reality yes it was their fault then as much as it is mine today/I feel like this is my reward/an abundance of shame/ I feel like this is what I deserve/to be abandoned for now and sitting at the curb/of my inner inhibitions/ losing current ambitions/and going into silent mode/ which is not anything like who I normally am/ Theres no reason to tell the fam/Was it worth it/ maybe not/ but I always mess up giving these entertainers a shot..

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