Just DELETE

  1. It was April 17 of 2016 when I sent an email to my ex to ask how he was doing since he hasnt been in contact. It was, in my mind, a breach of contract between us especially since I just got back from my grandma’s funeral..she died three weeks before. I remember not wanting to be hurt more because I was grieving and my heart was heavy and sore. I had a feeling back then there was more to his absence but I only had a fraction of intuition. Today I find myself rereading that message from my sent items. I just quickly hit DELETE.
  2. It was June 23rd and I sent another message and today I realized by this date he’d already moved in as a guest at his new girlfriend’s residence with her for young kids.. Or was it her husband’s place? Anyway, this email simply was a pic of a proud moment with my retiring Chief and asking him if he sees his familiar face. Welp..guess he was too busy to notice the message or the pic. Damn. Just. PRESS. DELETE.
  3. It was August 3rd of 2016 and it was my first day back from our family trip in five days before our flip and completely lose my mind. My emotions were in suspense because during the trip, he was distant because he was close to his new source of love that I was grasping for from his soul. But anyway, this email simply asked for his presence at a future event that would have been a great goal 11 months before our planned wedding day. I guess it would have been nice for him to say at the Navy ball that I was going to be his wife. I guess that was my loss. I guess that wont happen..not in this life.
  4. Today is May 23rd of 2017. So it’s old news. Delete. The next day, August 4th, and two additional also final emails were sent during that month because a new me was being birthed after the 8th and I’ve decided he can’t hurt me more than once. One email, only 4 days after I discovered he moved on, I shared the same event and wrote that I hope he’ll enjoy it with his upgraded version of me in his life.  His future, maybe, wife. The second message sending him a reminder of all he used to be. Hold shift key, press up Arrow.  Highlight these two. Delete.
  5.  the replies from April 17th of 2016 were brief and he began giving me times he’d call but he leave me hanging like I was a side chick he was banging. truth is there existed probably out of the total 4 years we’ve been officially tied together, there existed 3 years that we enjoyed our emotional weather. His one word answers pointed to the demise of our Empire falling.. a crack in our once solid frame set my heart on fire and led to the many times I cried. Here I am today..as I sigh and take a deep breath now in 2017,  I…just. Hold down shift key. Press up Arrow the remainder of the way. Let go of the shift key and what’s remaining inside of me. Press delete. Log off. Now I’m choosing to restart. The only thing I won’t delete now is my heart.
  6. So this is me starting over daily because I have seen God heal me lately because He has the key to these emotions that had me bound. Now I, even me, can walk free. Just DELETE. 
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