Phases

I miss you..My love, my angel, my light between your eyes.. what happened was shocking and still a surprise but I rise. I wake in the middle of the night with painful happy memories of yesterday’s fright like you’d leave me suddenly which wound up the truth unbeknownst the fears inside that existed before our beginning. This heartbreak I requested so this writing isn’t heart winning.. let me explain.. Without saying your name.

I love you. My love runs deep for you even though you say what broke my heart happened fast and sometimes I hope this change of heart, as you say, won’t last. Problem was thinking I could fit into your life as a wife knowing deep within that I was not your type. I’m outspoken but strong currents of passion run underneath my playful nature but you have a quiet strength that was familiar with mine, a meeting of minds so to speak . During our love making , we had the pleasure of trip taking. My memories reach past the flights I took when you kissed my mountain peaks.. See, I’ve been on other planets and flown past the Egyptian pyramids and I love how you kissed me in Paris atop the Ferris wheel.  Yet, this was all in our minds. Things like this take more than a couple of rhymes and blogs to heal.

I wish we never met. This message is clear, if we were to never meet though, how would I have gotten here? Here is relative but I know something has got to give. Like I did you during the first year.. We invested hours that aren’t returning to our hands. I do not regret us but I regret the trust after I gave you every piece of me even after you popped the question of “Will you marry me?” Of course I would have loved to but if I never met you, I’d never have to wonder how fun it would be to have my best friend and our daughters together with me..Which still plagues my soul. Your daughter makes me feel whole without her trying..Still loving my girls as her baby sisters so that’s a blessing and I’m not lying.

I go through these phases time to time.. but I no longer judge myself either way. I consider why this happened and have little to say.  Part of me knew well ahead of time that you and I couldn’t last but we fought back against the inevitable and didn’t make it that far.. that’s okay..we can wish on a star right? Someday..Which is why the passion in me still runs deep for you so I tuck them between the lines and rhymes until I can make room for their existence. Because stalking isn’t my style, I just relax and take care of the me I didn’t bring into us ..This time im more consistent but no need to easily fall nor trust.

So I run into myself and say hey self get up and walk past all that led you astray from the path we were headed..Let’s use that pain and heartbreak.. into a new life it can be flipped into being embedded. Those were only different phases normal to the transition from loved and lost to a life of never love again. Which is fine. I know how to make a new friend.

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